Manager Man

One of the strangest manifestations of the 'mcjob' world is Manager Man. (Technically speaking, Manager Man can be a woman, though I never encountered one.)

Manager Man, or MM for short, is recognised by the following traits:

• Overly Verbose
  MM will three minutes updating a group of people on how he has to make a phone call, often using obtuse and even redundant adjectives in an attempt to appear intelligent.
  
• Way Too Detail Focused
  While wanting to appear Strategic and Commercially Focused, MM will pull you up on issues like kerning (the space between letters in a font), or they type of bullet points you use, or the placement of an object on your desk. To quote the Simpsons "the rod up his arse has a rod up it's arse".
  
• Inflated Sense of Self Worth
  MM is worth far more than the amount he is currently being over paid. He will let you know this by dropping not so subtle hints that he is being 'head hunted' for senior roles elsewhere but that they didn't fit his 'career path' or couldn't afford him.
  
• Special Termite Powers
  MM has the ability to be your best friend and confidant, yet given the slightest opportunity will white-ant you if it is remotely in his best interests. This could be driven by his paranoia, however his paranoia is usually justified as he has a habit of pissing people off.
  
• His Business is Your Business
  MM will have lengthy personal calls at his desk. You might not wish to hear about the progress of prostrate exam, or listen to him negotiate a better price for his new amplifier. Bad luck.
  
• infinite Knowledge
  MM knows everything. Or a least he thinks he does. In fact, what MM does have is an opinion on everything. And you can bet that his opinion will be contrary to yours.

Everywhere I've worked I come across MM. OK, so maybe I'm the common factor and I bring out the worst in some people...I'm prepared to accept some of the responsibility - let's face it, I often go out of my way to encourage this behavior as it's so interesting and entertaining to watch (at least it breaks the monotony and, for a short while, eases the crushing pain of modern life).

Other traits I've noticed is that MM is usually thin - too thin. He's always hetro, though there's sufficient evidence to suggest that he's a repressed homosexual. His dress sense is meticulous, though conservative (I have a sneaking suspicion that he tucks his shirt into his underpants though, fortunately, I've never been able to confirm this).

Perhaps the most frustrating thing about MM, is that he's crap. Sure he makes a lot of noise, is a shameless self promoter, delegates everything and is the king of all sycophants, but he is crap. Usually, MM starts out being good at something. Really good. Then he gets the idea that he's 'management material' and the thing he's good at is now beneath him and now his job is to 'achieve thorough others'.